A few years back, I received a phone call from a good friend of mine that I absolutely admired. This person, in a sense, was a spiritual leader of mine. I was a little jittery to take the call- I had been experiencing new things about Jesus, things I had never known before….and I shared this personal journey I had been on just a few days before. (Actually, I overshared)
I shared testimonies, deliverances, fears, questions, hopes. I saw a few things differently now, and I thought that if they just listened longgggg enough, maybe they would too.
So when I picked up the call a few days later…. “helloooo! So glad you called!”
What pursued in that conversation was heartbreaking on both ends. They disagreed with where my path was headed, what I believed, and had a genuine concern I had been corrupted. They loved me. They wanted me to reel in what was ‘reeled out’.
What’s crazy is, even though I was feeling emotionally scarred, I saw logically how they came to that conclusion. My old brain even agreed with them.
But words can really hurt, you know?
Not too long after that, I received more words. Lots of them, and not good ones. Actually, they were the kind that stab you and leave you lying on the floor. Like, I felt that I had open heart surgery and there was no one there to close me up. How do I respond? Where do I go from here?
I was messed up for a few months after that.
I repeated those words of “concern” over and over and over in my head. Analyzing and then from that, defending myself…. and then getting scared out of my MIND that I was dead. wrong.
I stopped the spiritual train I was on.
Now that it has been a few years later, I can look back at that time in my life and thank God for that journey he put me on. It wasn’t easy, but hard things refine and I certainly didn’t escape that one.
So, now that I have a good head on my shoulders…. you all want to know, right?
Who was wrong, and who was right?
Am I messed up, or are they messed up?
Where are they now, and where am I?
Who is showing up who?
These are the questions that I have found ARE NOT WORTH PURSUING.
Comparison. MISTAKES. The IMPERFECTIONS of other people. He wants to divide, distract, and accuse….anything that takes your eyes off Jesus and his completed work.
Instead, we are to respond with humility.
I heard recently, “take your eyes off the imperfections of the messenger, and listen to the message”.
When I was set free from that dark alley of accusation, these were the questions I was asking….
1.) “Lord, what was in there that was of you? What can I change to be a better servant, one who listens without a prideful heart? Take away my heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh”
(and then you know, listen)
2.) “Lord, how can I show forgiveness in what was not right, and restore that relationship as much as possible?”
3.) “Lord, what do you speak over me?” (This last one is so important to me, as I am so SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sensitive! I take on wrong identities rather quickly….so I speak and WRITE words of affirmation over me to hear the truth and put it deeeep down in my soul).
Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.
Have you had words spoken over you that hurt? How do you handle them?