“Hey Ro, I’m at work….what’s up?”
“I’M PREGNANT. LIKE, I’M NOT JOKING.”
I was sweating and my heart was racing. I was pacing frantically in the kitchen, on the phone with my husband, with the freshly urinated pregnancy stick…. in my hand.
Ten minutes of a total freak out session pursued. He was happy, I was scared.
Ben and I have always SORTA kinda wanted 4 children, and we always have wanted them close together. But life is crazy, and I sometimes like the craziness to settle down.
Ben and I toyed around with the idea of having a 4th, and with one risky month of not being SUPER careful…..well. yep. I am fertile myrtle over here.
What’s birth control again? That’s another blog style, and I digress. This post is about persevering prayer, right?
It took me a while to come to terms with the idea of a new life growing inside of me. I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t even want to know. I was scared and I didn’t know how to handle this information. Excited one moment, crying in bed the next.
What’s worse, is….pregnancy sadness.
Has anyone experienced this before? I didn’t even know it was a thing, until I got pregnant with my 3rd. That was rough but I got better after my 1st trimester.
I didn’t know how hard it would hit this time, until it did.
Crying in bed. Hiding from friends. Not wanting to start the day. My hormones were surging and I felt no control. Life is good, my circumstances were great, but my mind was not.
It was a dark, lonely, and debilitating place. What’s worse is… I didn’t really seek help until the I couldn’t bear the weight any longer.
I was praising God through my sadness…- blasting worship music….repeating scripture…going through my daily routine….
but nothing was helping, and it was only getting worse. I was yelling at my kids, snappy with my husband, and in bed before dark. Don’t talk to me unless you want your head cut off.
That’s when God planted a few seeds in my heart, called ‘YOU NEED HELP. REACH OUT’
(When you finally realize you need help, it’s the best place you can be in. Just actually get it)
I called on a group of girls and they anointed me with oil. I had a prayer team now on my side.
A few days later, God spoke to me through this beautiful soul of a woman at a Church. This stranger called out the secrets of my heart (woah) and gave me a battle plan. Did she know me? No. But am I forever grateful? Yes.
She encouraged me with many words, but a few stuck:
“You need to beat down that door until you get what you want. Go after it, and don’t stop. ”
God immediately put 2 scriptures in my head about persevering prayer:
1.) The parable of the persistent widow:
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’
“For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’ ”
And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”
2.) The parable of the annoying neighbor:
5 Then He said to them, “[Suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; 6 for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; 7 and from inside he answers and says, ‘Do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children [and I are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.’ 8 I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs.
And so for 3 days, I was ANNOYING God. I mean it. I wasn’t asking kindly, I wasn’t coming before him trembling and with praise. I was literally doing this:
“God, give me joy. give me joy. give it to me. I need it. give me joy. give me strength. give me joy and strength. GIVE ME JOY GOD. give me joy.”
I mean, I did that at him FOR HOURS. HOURS PEOPLE. I was worried I sounded like a monk with no purpose to my chanting. And on top of that, those 3 days were the hardest concerning my depression symptoms. I couldn’t smile. I could barely function. But I could speak. And that’s what I did. I was determined. My husband, my kids, my friends, they need me. I need me.
Day 4, I woke up. And I felt……
I didn’t freak when my daughter spilled her cereal. That’s weird. I took a shower and wanted to look nice. Weirder…
I was singing involuntarily, goofing with my kids, sweeping my kitchen floor…..
I wasn’t out of my 1st trimester yet! Is this feeling fleeting? God, did you seriously answer me? Don’t take this away from me, DON’T TAKE AWAY MY JOY.
And he didn’t. The rain came, the winds blew, but I stood. My husband noticed an IMMEDIATE and lasting difference.
PERSEVERING PRAYER FRIENDS. It doesn’t have to sound pretty.