Letting Go Of Shame- When Dark Secrets Come Out

I would like to start this post out by saying I do not have all the answers on the subject of secrecy and shame. There is more to be said and considered. I encourage you to seek counsel from a grace filled Christian if you need help in this area of your life.

There was this sin I committed as a teenager that was very, very terrible. I didn’t have the courage to confess it to even the closest of friends and instead, I kept it hidden inside the darkest corners of my heart… where it would never become exposed. When friends would jokingly bring up ‘dark secrets’, I would laugh it off and say I didn’t have any. But inside of me, the memory of my action would always creep its way back into my heart and into the forefront of my mind.

Along with the memory came shame. I “knew” God had forgiven me. I really did. I had apologized to him in secret a million times over…. and yet the memory would still show it’s painful face weekly, sometimes daily, and I  would shudder at the mere thought of my mistake and shove it as far back as I possibly could.

This was a burden of mine for 10 years. 10 YEARS people. That’s a long time. What’s even  worse? I got married and KEPT THE SECRET from my husband. Wanna talk about shame? I know the feeling well.

Once I got married, I would justify this “un”confession because I believed God had already considered it gone.(He did by the way, I just didn’t really know it)  I would close my eyes, visualize the sin upon the cross of my savior, and feel temporary relief. I would yell at the accuser and remind him that I was clean in Christ. But no matter what I tried, I still felt the pang of secrecy, and shame had become a regular part of my life.

I also believed the lie that if I ever DID tell my husband, he would no longer love me or see me the way he once did. What would I do if he looked at me in disgust? This scene would replay over and over in my head, and I would recoil with a new found determination to never let that happen.

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And then…

Grace. Can I show you another corner of grace?

I was in a women’s bible study and the topic was on shame. This bible verse was read:

James 5:16a

16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.

I had confessed my sin in front of God, but I still covered the nakedness of my sin in front of others. In doing so, I wasn’t allowing grace filled Christians to re-iterate the truth of the cross.

That night something clicked. I knew that if I walked out on this scripture, the accuser was no longer going to have this area of my life. Why? Because what happens after confession before grace filled Christians isn’t disgust.  It’s grace that brakes down walls of shame in mere seconds.

I was afraid, but I was ready. I was ready to watch my savior kick the devil in his face while I held his hand.

So that night, I confessed to my grace filled husband.

That same night, the chains of shame fell off.

My husband so gracefully took me in his arms and reminded me of my savior.

He was proud of me, not disgusted. He cuddled me that night a little harder as I cried tears of relief. It was out. The dark secret was out. And as SOON as it was out, it evaporated into thin air.

Thin. Air. It was like the devil had lost his firm grip in an instant. That shame went right where it’s supposed to go, the cross of our savior.

Gone. 10 years of shame, gone.

The devil has since TRIED AND MISERABLY FAILED at bringing up my past sin that it’s almost laughable.

There is freedom in walking out the uncomfortable verses of God’s word. There is grace that shows up when you’re ready to jump off the cliff. There is mercy and love and forgiveness and help when you decide it is finally time to not let the devil have an area of your life anymore.

If you have shame and you have never shared your ‘dark secret’ with the family of God (who understands grace,) I would encourage you to consider that verse in James 5. Read it’s context, pray, and seek counsel. God is ready to show you that your shame doesn’t belong on you, you beautiful child. God is ready to use the cross of Christ as a permanent eraser on whatever dark secret you hold**

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The week after I confessed to my husband, we went on a vacation together! Added bonus.

 

 

 

 

**Friends, if you don’t confess, you aren’t going to hell. When you confessed Christ as Lord and believed God raised him from the dead, he paid for your sins….. past, present and future. (Eph 1:7, Rom 4:25, Rom 5:6, Rom 10:9, Heb 10:12, 1 Jhn 2:2)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do We Know Jesus?

The past 5 months of my life have been nothing short of life giving. This past year, I was in a worship service singing about and for Jesus, and at one point in the service, I broke down in tears.

Why? Because I realized I was singing about a man I barely knew and was just beginning to know.

Yes, know.

This man on whom I have staked my entire life on, and I barely knew him.

And so, I have been on a quest of discovering Jesus-the man on whom I have believed since I was a little child. I want to “know* the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (John 17:3)

                                                                                      (*For my Greek scholars out there, ginōskō 

Jesus, for a long time, has always been my man of yesterday. (Heb 13:8). Not my today. Waiting for my forever.

Jesus was (and still is) my salvation,  my foundation, my redeemer,  the one I was to be with on the day of his return.

But what does it mean to know him, right now?

Just by reading him? Studying him? Memorizing the verses of his teachings? Preaching the message of the cross?

I never just read and studied about God- I also chased after him with my heart. I sought to experience God.

But I was afraid to experience Jesus, because “blessed are those who have not seen me, and yet believe” John 20:29

Anybody else relate?

Today I am learning what it means to know him.

 Now, when I chase after God, I also chase after Jesus. 

He is the first and the last, after all! (Rev 1:17)

So- here are a few verses that I have considered, when it comes to knowing my Lord. I hope you get blessed as you consider these verses too.

Because yes, he is your salvation.

But he is also:

Your Good Shepard. ( John 10:11-14)

Your Vine (John 15:1-5)

 The Overseer of Your Soul (1 Peter 2:25)

The Head of the Church (Eph 1:20-23)

Your intercessor (Romans 8:34)

With us when we are gathered in his name (Matthew 18:20)

Your Mediator (1 Tim 2:5)

Our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Is 9:6)

God with us, Immanuel ( Is 7:14)

God’s image, and his exact representation (Hebrews 1:3, 2 Cor 4:4, Col 1:15)

Can I just say that this is a SHORT list of who Jesus is and what he is doing? Please don’t stop there, because….

We are called to fellowship with God , and Jesus Christ, (1 Cor 1:9. 1 Jo 1:3)

My encouragement for anyone out there, is to not be scared of Jesus….. and

ASK God to show you who he is to YOU, right now. I’m doing that, and it’s breaking down years of built up walls.

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If Jesus Showed Up.

Have you ever been asked this question,

“Would Jesus approve if he showed up?”

My response used to be feelings of fear, guilt, and shame. Let me give you a short synopsis of my thoughts….

No.

He’d be so disappointed in me reading this tabloid magazine. I need to be reading the bible more.

He definitely wouldn’t approve of me browsing through facebook. I need to pray more.


He wouldn’t approve of me yelling at my kids. I need to be more patient.

He wouldn’t approve of what I talk about with my friends. I need to speak more of Gods word.

He wouldn’t approve of my tendency to be selfish. I need to give more.

He wouldn’t approve of how I use my time. I need to seek God first more.

He wouldn’t approve of my carnality. I need to walk in the spirit more.

I could go on and on and on.

In short, I’ve got the stamp of UNAPPROVAL.

Oh man. IF you say you haven’t been there, you’re lying.

Do you know how I know that?

This world is SO DESIGNED for you to KEEP WORKING at BEING GOOD ENOUGH. BE MORE. DO MORE. PRODUCE MORE.

This world is so designed at saying its OK to make mistakes, but THAN POINTING THE FINGER WHEN YOU MAKE THOSE MISTAKES.

But here’s the craziest thing EVER, Jesus says and will ALWAYS say, “I approve”

How? How is that even possible?

Did you know that if he showed up right now, in whatever you were doing at the moment, ( And even in your WORST MOST SELFISH MOMENTS, no joke) He’d want to reach out and show you his love?

He’d want to wrap his arms around you and give you a big hug?

He’d want to show you the nails in his hands and the thorns in his head that he got just for you?

He’d want to intercede for you and tell you ‘be not afraid, only believe?’

He’d want to spend time with you, show you God?

He’d want to show you how worth it you are to him?

He’d want to wipe away your dirtiness, and he’d wash your feet, kiss your face, hold you and not want to let go.

Friend. You are worth it. SO worth it. You are approved.


You are desired.

You are accepted.

You are worthy.



Romans 6:11 (NIV)

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.



I’d like to leave you a link to a host of verses that expound on you who are (not based on what you do)


http://mercyme.org/my-identity-in-jesus-chirst/