Trusting God In The Midst Of Job Loss (Part 1)

I’d like to start out this post with acknowledging my over privileged life! I recognize that because I have change in my pocket, our family financially ranks in the top 8% of the world. Wow.

Jesus, come soon.

Ben and I have been on a financial ride for the six years we’ve been married. At our worst, we scoured craigslist couches to collect change for cigarettes!  It was fun back then because we were young, without kids, and definitely reckless. Our marriage began with mounds of credit card debt, student loans, and an old beat up Pontiac.156637_562328823357_4342794_n

We lived off butterfly love.

My husband began his career with a psychology degree selling cemetery plots. (It was a dying business and yes, I’ve heard that a million times)

Yet in six years, we went from barely making rent to demolishing credit card debt. Ben advanced in his career at a rapid pace and we began purchasing fancy cars, stainless steal appliances, and vacations. We were tackling student debt and were on our way to purchasing a bigger home. We gave out of abundance because we had more than we needed.

(Side note, it’s easy to give when you have ‘enough’! Mark 12:44)

Then on a regular Friday afternoon, my husband came home early.

“Honey, I got laid off”

And just like that, my ugliness exposed.

There are a lot of things that can happen in the mind of a stay at home mom when those words come out of a bread winning husband. So for 8 weeks (and counting), I have come face to face with anxiety and confusion. I have battled with fear, anger, and just plain ol’ sadness. I’ve been introduced to greediness that I didn’t even know existed! Hi greediness, my name is Rosie. NOT nice to meet you.

Savings have dwindled and bills have piled.

Trusting God becomes a lot more real…. when your only choice is to trust in him.

Psalm 143:8

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.

And so I have learned that it’s ok to admit you’re failing in front of God. Grace loves the admission of failure because it turns our minds to his unfailing love rather than our hard earning work.

And.

It’s a day by day and moment by moment decision to put away the ugliness of fear and speak the truth of Gods grace into the hearts and minds of my family.

And so today, I choose to trust God. I choose to trust him despite what I see. (2 Cor 5:7)

I choose to see that I have food and shelter today and that God has promised to take care of tomorrow. (Matthew 6:34)

I choose to tell un-thankfulness to leave and I choose to allow praise fill up my heart in its place. (James 1:2-4)

I choose to speak grace into my husbands life and I choose to stay by his side.

And when I fail, I will rejoice because it’s not about how good I am at trusting him, it’s about how good he is in his promise to me. He is teaching me. I don’t have it all right.

I choose to admit that I am weak, but he is strong.

It’s OK to be honest with yourself and say….” wow, I have a lot of ugliness in my heart right now”. Take off the mask! The cross of Christ allows us to be completely open before God. He won’t scorch us and he promises to help us in our time of need. He loves us despite our sin!

Psalm 34:6

This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him; he saved him from all his troubles.

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With the mounds of advice the world gives to those in financial trouble (I’ve heard a lot), it is easy to get lost in its wisdom and miss the still small voice of God. Do you want to join me in REST and quietness? This is God’s chance to shine. Like the heart of Jehosephat, let’s cry.

2 Chronicles 20:12b

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Here are some additional links if this hits home more true than you would like:

Promises To Those Struggling with Unemployment

Weathering The Storm Of Job Loss

Unemployed Faith

 

 

 

Letting Go Of Shame- When Dark Secrets Come Out

I would like to start this post out by saying I do not have all the answers on the subject of secrecy and shame. There is more to be said and considered. I encourage you to seek counsel from a grace filled Christian if you need help in this area of your life.

There was this sin I committed as a teenager that was very, very terrible. I didn’t have the courage to confess it to even the closest of friends and instead, I kept it hidden inside the darkest corners of my heart… where it would never become exposed. When friends would jokingly bring up ‘dark secrets’, I would laugh it off and say I didn’t have any. But inside of me, the memory of my action would always creep its way back into my heart and into the forefront of my mind.

Along with the memory came shame. I “knew” God had forgiven me. I really did. I had apologized to him in secret a million times over…. and yet the memory would still show it’s painful face weekly, sometimes daily, and I  would shudder at the mere thought of my mistake and shove it as far back as I possibly could.

This was a burden of mine for 10 years. 10 YEARS people. That’s a long time. What’s even  worse? I got married and KEPT THE SECRET from my husband. Wanna talk about shame? I know the feeling well.

Once I got married, I would justify this “un”confession because I believed God had already considered it gone.(He did by the way, I just didn’t really know it)  I would close my eyes, visualize the sin upon the cross of my savior, and feel temporary relief. I would yell at the accuser and remind him that I was clean in Christ. But no matter what I tried, I still felt the pang of secrecy, and shame had become a regular part of my life.

I also believed the lie that if I ever DID tell my husband, he would no longer love me or see me the way he once did. What would I do if he looked at me in disgust? This scene would replay over and over in my head, and I would recoil with a new found determination to never let that happen.

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And then…

Grace. Can I show you another corner of grace?

I was in a women’s bible study and the topic was on shame. This bible verse was read:

James 5:16a

16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.

I had confessed my sin in front of God, but I still covered the nakedness of my sin in front of others. In doing so, I wasn’t allowing grace filled Christians to re-iterate the truth of the cross.

That night something clicked. I knew that if I walked out on this scripture, the accuser was no longer going to have this area of my life. Why? Because what happens after confession before grace filled Christians isn’t disgust.  It’s grace that brakes down walls of shame in mere seconds.

I was afraid, but I was ready. I was ready to watch my savior kick the devil in his face while I held his hand.

So that night, I confessed to my grace filled husband.

That same night, the chains of shame fell off.

My husband so gracefully took me in his arms and reminded me of my savior.

He was proud of me, not disgusted. He cuddled me that night a little harder as I cried tears of relief. It was out. The dark secret was out. And as SOON as it was out, it evaporated into thin air.

Thin. Air. It was like the devil had lost his firm grip in an instant. That shame went right where it’s supposed to go, the cross of our savior.

Gone. 10 years of shame, gone.

The devil has since TRIED AND MISERABLY FAILED at bringing up my past sin that it’s almost laughable.

There is freedom in walking out the uncomfortable verses of God’s word. There is grace that shows up when you’re ready to jump off the cliff. There is mercy and love and forgiveness and help when you decide it is finally time to not let the devil have an area of your life anymore.

If you have shame and you have never shared your ‘dark secret’ with the family of God (who understands grace,) I would encourage you to consider that verse in James 5. Read it’s context, pray, and seek counsel. God is ready to show you that your shame doesn’t belong on you, you beautiful child. God is ready to use the cross of Christ as a permanent eraser on whatever dark secret you hold**

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The week after I confessed to my husband, we went on a vacation together! Added bonus.

 

 

 

 

**Friends, if you don’t confess, you aren’t going to hell. When you confessed Christ as Lord and believed God raised him from the dead, he paid for your sins….. past, present and future. (Eph 1:7, Rom 4:25, Rom 5:6, Rom 10:9, Heb 10:12, 1 Jhn 2:2)