I’d like to start out this post with acknowledging my over privileged life! I recognize that because I have change in my pocket, our family financially ranks in the top 8% of the world. Wow.
Jesus, come soon.
Ben and I have been on a financial ride for the six years we’ve been married. At our worst, we scoured craigslist couches to collect change for cigarettes! It was fun back then because we were young, without kids, and definitely reckless. Our marriage began with mounds of credit card debt, student loans, and an old beat up Pontiac.
We lived off butterfly love.
My husband began his career with a psychology degree selling cemetery plots. (It was a dying business and yes, I’ve heard that a million times)
Yet in six years, we went from barely making rent to demolishing credit card debt. Ben advanced in his career at a rapid pace and we began purchasing fancy cars, stainless steal appliances, and vacations. We were tackling student debt and were on our way to purchasing a bigger home. We gave out of abundance because we had more than we needed.
(Side note, it’s easy to give when you have ‘enough’! Mark 12:44)
Then on a regular Friday afternoon, my husband came home early.
“Honey, I got laid off”
And just like that, my ugliness exposed.
There are a lot of things that can happen in the mind of a stay at home mom when those words come out of a bread winning husband. So for 8 weeks (and counting), I have come face to face with anxiety and confusion. I have battled with fear, anger, and just plain ol’ sadness. I’ve been introduced to greediness that I didn’t even know existed! Hi greediness, my name is Rosie. NOT nice to meet you.
Savings have dwindled and bills have piled.
Trusting God becomes a lot more real…. when your only choice is to trust in him.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
And so I have learned that it’s ok to admit you’re failing in front of God. Grace loves the admission of failure because it turns our minds to his unfailing love rather than our hard earning work.
It’s a day by day and moment by moment decision to put away the ugliness of fear and speak the truth of Gods grace into the hearts and minds of my family.
And so today, I choose to trust God. I choose to trust him despite what I see. (2 Cor 5:7)
I choose to see that I have food and shelter today and that God has promised to take care of tomorrow. (Matthew 6:34)
I choose to tell un-thankfulness to leave and I choose to allow praise fill up my heart in its place. (James 1:2-4)
I choose to speak grace into my husbands life and I choose to stay by his side.
And when I fail, I will rejoice because it’s not about how good I am at trusting him, it’s about how good he is in his promise to me. He is teaching me. I don’t have it all right.
I choose to admit that I am weak, but he is strong.
It’s OK to be honest with yourself and say….” wow, I have a lot of ugliness in my heart right now”. Take off the mask! The cross of Christ allows us to be completely open before God. He won’t scorch us and he promises to help us in our time of need. He loves us despite our sin!
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him; he saved him from all his troubles.
With the mounds of advice the world gives to those in financial trouble (I’ve heard a lot), it is easy to get lost in its wisdom and miss the still small voice of God. Do you want to join me in REST and quietness? This is God’s chance to shine. Like the heart of Jehosephat, let’s cry.
2 Chronicles 20:12b
Here are some additional links if this hits home more true than you would like: